home pt. 2

being at home. still unsure about how i'm feeling. went for a run today for 40 minutes around the parameter of my neighborhood, possibly going 1mi/hr. i figured since there's not much to do around here, i might as well run because i feel comfortable running outside in a small town as opposed to in the OC. that was my first time running in about year, no lie, and that felt good i suppose. promised to take my brother to Game Stop today so we can get xbox points or something to purchase Castle Crashers.. been wanting to play that for a while. but overall, i'm not sure if being at home makes me feel good. it makes me feel restless here and the lack of things to do makes me feel lazier than i did in the OC. my friends in town all have their own families/worries/jobs now or they have moved out. i definitely don't see myself living back here again. there's nothing left for me besides my family. and i love my family, but my parents can be so frustrating everyday that it makes me want to leave as soon as i come. but i love spending time here with my grandma and siblings. my sister can make me laugh like no other, my brother is so innocent and sweet still that i try to soak in every minute of that before he starts to become a teenager, and my grandma.. i love her so much, and she's growing older which hurts to realize. i want to spend as much time with her as i can, but other factors around being here makes me want to get out. and this is basically how i feel each time i go home.