thanksgiving break.

i feel like i've aged 5 years in less than 5 days. i thought i was mentally strong enough to handle what was put on me, but i really don't know anymore. my boyfriend broke up with me on tuesday, because he's not able to have a relationship right now for his own health and sanity. i've accepted that, but it doesn't mean i don't miss him everyday, want to be with him, and want to talk to him. that's life though.. must be out of sight to be out of mind, they say. but with him out of sight, i've become increasingly lonelier and discontent. he really did make me happier and i know i feel happier in a relationship.. not any relationship, but it was him that made me happy. my heart was broken when he said that i couldn't even make him smile anymore. i didn't bring him the same happiness that i used to anymore. and that.. i'm not sure how to accept it yet. and then there is home, which is always stressful. today i was a mediator between both of my parents. everyone was crying. everyone was hurt. and everyone was angry. things were said today that really hurt me and the weight of knowing everything or almost everything that my parents are thinking is killing me with each spoken word. i can handle my breakup, but i can't handle my parents breaking up.

to do list before graduation

-more fun photo shoots
-update resume/apply to jobs
-part-time job??
-vegas
-rage clubbing
-eat @ sushi stop
-pass all classes
-sew a costume
-exercise at least 3x/week
-thrift more
-eat healthier
-bring lunch to school
-clear skin
-no more big purchases
-decrease spending in general
-talk to parents and grandparents more

feelin this

Memorable October Indeed

There were so many ups and downs in October. I entered the month with excitement of new experiences and left the month waiting for my life to resume back to normal again. Here's a brief glance at what last month included.

-midterms for 2-3 weeks
-car accident oct 4. car in the shop for almost 2 weeks.
-randy cheered me up with 2 month celebration at japanese restaurant surprise
-sister's bday
-randy drove me to SM
-picked up uncle's '95 civic as a replacement car for two weeks, thank goodness.
-the black keys/ tegan and sara show with randy
-midterm grades ranging from B- to A's :/
-group projects and papers
-bday at dnb's with friends. had a ton of fun.
-pumpkin patch
-OC great park
-increased responsibilities at internship
-first individual home visit
-grandpa in hospital
-benihana's with maggie for bday
-ba ut from france visiting
-new york with randy
-birthday dinner in tribeca
-halloween in nyc
-hurricane sandy
-extended nyc trip to one week and crazy journey trying to come back home
-disappointed family, especially dad, due to lying about nyc trip
-stress over managing plans for cousin's wedding due to sandy
-stress over managing hours to make up for work due to sandy
-stress over missed school days due to sandy