Busy work day

This week has been one of my busiest, if not busiest, days/weeks at work since Jess has been away due to family emergency. I have had to take her caseload on too of mine. It has been incredibly busy, but at the same time, I kind of enjoy it and feel alive, happy, and productive as opposed to lazy, unmotivated, and bored previously. Being busy at work has also (maybe?) made me productive, more ambitious, and happier in my personal life after work. I've been sewing again! :)

week by week

my life keeps changing week by week, but at the same time feels the same?

void

i definitely feel a void in my life. i miss him. when i think i'm pulling through, a few moments later i break down again. i hate this deceiving cycle. even though i miss him, i can't shake off feeling like i'm beginning to forget how it feels like with him anymore. i almost don't remember how to interact with him. it's becoming just a vague and familiar feeling. the vividness is fading. i want it to all fade sooner.

Gratitude

I must be more grateful for the things in my life. I complain too often.

burn out

LOL I'm so burnt out all I can do is laugh right now 

Sf weekend

march 16-19, Thursday night to Sunday night.

I stayed with Stephen the whole weekend and saw Katrina and mike on Friday and Saturday. Ate ice cream everyday.

Thursday 

-watched The Looking with Stephen 

Friday

-explored sf by myself and walked from the mission to the ferry building, 3 miles?

-enjoyed the mission's street art and the cute stores along Valencia street

-ate a craftsman and wolves for breakfast

-walked to union square to borrow dry shampoo from sephora

-walked to mikes work and are lunch at the ferry building. 

-ate a fish sandwich, oysters, and ice cream

-took the muni for the first time and went to sfsu to meet Katrina

-we are at San tung Chinese food

-Katrina drove us to the mosaic steps and then lands end

-Katrina dropped me off at the muni stop and I met up with Stephen, Fiona, and their friend Chris at the yerba buena center for drinks

-then we went to HRD for dinner

-then I napped at Stephens house for an hour until going out to the Castro at night

-went gay clubbing at the Castro with all Stephens gay friends, who are all nice 

-I really like gay clubbing music

-slept on the couch and was annoyed at Stephen for ignoring my requests to go home early 

Saturday 

-me and Stephen got ice cream at bi-rite and Ike's sandwiches

-went to Dolores park, at the gay beach corner of the hill and tanned for like 5 hours

- I fell asleep and got subburnt

-I also lost my favorite green utility jacket from h&m :( 

-got boba from boba guys, it was good

-went back to Stephens house and I got picked up by Katrina and her bf Chester to have dinner. also invited mike to join 

-we ate Indian food at Palawan

-went to cha cha cha and elbo room

-then Katrina and Chester took me to the view in downtown 

Sunday

-me and Stephen ate at skool for brunch which was really good

-got I cream at dog patch district?

- I bought an sf tote 

-went to Chrissy fields for the golden gate view and walked around the bridge 

-walked around the cute stores at Hayes 

-I bought a candle from a music gift shop

-ate American Chinese food at the mission

-Stephen took me to the airport and now  back home

So exhausted

2:17 am and going

I've got work in the morning. Damn daylight savings time. I have too many thoughts on my mind.

letting go of fear and comfort will allow me to discover my inner strength and potential 

potential has been a revolving word on my mind

saving money. am I doing it right?

values. what are mine? do I have stability in my values or do they keep changing?

exploration. of my sexuality. of feminism. of the world. of men. of women. of jobs.

satisfaction. I fear that my standards keep getting higher and higher in terms of satisfaction level. is it becoming unreasonable? how do I know?

Handstand progress

Sunday

feeling sad because I miss Randy's company... so much... I've been trying to keep busy and distract myself but once I have time to just think and let my thoughts go, I just begin sobbing again. 

Book of Mormon